dance with her in kitchens in the greenest summer.

I JUST DON’T CARE. AT ALL.

Apathy is a skill I learned my sophomore year. Yes, I said skill. However the word “curse” is interchangeable. It, like a lot of things, is a paradox.

It frees but confines. It frees in the sense you are untroubled. You can dance in kitchens and sleep all afternoon. It restricts because if you live such a carefree life you can’t expect the rewards and the benefits of hard work. But to me, that’s not what matters. A lot of girls want arduous careers to verify that they made it and they don’t need a man to sustain them. However, I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way. I do consider myself a feminist, and I would never want to have a man as a crutch, but to me there are so many more important things then my job. I’m not looking for a life that allows me to have a job. I’m looking for a job that allows me to have a life. My ultimate goal has never been to be an executive something or another or a chief whateveridontcare. To me it’s about having the time to paint and read the days to the away. Or the ability to take long runs and sit out on my deck with a cup of coffee and a few candles. I do want a job, I really do. I just hope whatever it is it allows me to think philosophically and really use my mind. I hope it allows me to live.

It simplifies and complicates. It’s simple not to do my precalculus homework. Real simple. See solving math problems doesn’t actually solve anything in my life. These problems are given to me, as a choice. A choice that cost me 5 imaginary points on a grade sheet. Which is really just a piece of paper. Which really has no affect on my life. So why care? I care because the ends justify the means. Because it’s not the fact that no real problems are going to be solved, it’s the fact that I’m solving and I’m learning. And there’s no real logic to it all. I’ll never understand why it matters. Why seeing an “A” and an “F” on a paper is so entirely different, while they are both just random symbols in a made up alphabet. But it does. It does matter, in the end, it changes everything. Life is a balance. You have to make something beautiful enough or spend such a wonderful day that you know that getting an F was justified. That F’s are not going to take away the fact that you had the best day on Tuesday. But you also have to get enough A’s so that you understand what hard work can do and that skipping hanging out with some friends one day can lead to better things for yourself. And you need that.


It takes away as much as it gives. Well, honestly, I’ve gotten to that last point in my preplanned, organized, tookmelotsoftime paper. Now I’m here and I can’t think of another example that can get my point across. Except for this, I have a lot better things to be doing with my life then this paper. Really. It was cool while it lasted. But I’ve deemed this paper a waste of my life, so this probably isn’t going to work out anymore. And honestly if I was you, I probably would have gotten bored and given up at the beginning of the second page. KUDOS. You probably get the point anyway.

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